I wished it happened this way…

What was that? You think I am too nice? Well, hon, you must not be from the south. You see we have this thing here that we call politeness.

No, I’m not surprised you never heard of it. You thought I was just being myself this whole time we’ve been working together, but I’ve been trying to teach you a lesson by my example. See, my mama didn’t raise any fools and she didn’t raise any brats either. I may be acting nice, but the thoughts I am thinking could raise blisters.

Just because a thought pops into my head, it doesn’t mean I have to SAY it aloud. That’s what we call tact. It may seem like a novel idea, but it’s how polite society functions. You should try it sometime.

Of course, you can be a bully like Mr. Manager over there. Lordy!  That man would cuss you out as soon as look at you and tell you it was for your own good! But does he get respect? Not on your life. My mama and her sisters taught me that you’ll get more flies with honey than vinegar and it holds true to this day. And it’s especially more true if your a woman, more’s the pity. But we women have a special kind of power and we must be judicious with it. We need to at least let the men THINK they are making some decisions around here or they will get outta hand.

But really, sugar, being called “too nice” isn’t always a bad thing. Too nice means you can catch them off guard. I may seem soft and kind, but I’ve got a backbone of steel. I will take just as much crap as I want and then I will be good and done. Don’t you worry.  I am not foolish and I don’t lack confidence. I will answer a question honestly, but not harshly. I won’t tryto mislead you, but I may try to soften the blow for you.

Have you ever hear the phrase, “you won’t like me when I’m angry?”It worked for The Hulk  but it can work for a Southern gal just as well. You may not be real fond of me when I am being “too nice”, but trust me – you will not be happy once the tides have turned. I’m here to tell you, missy, that hell fire wouldn’t warm up a belle when she’s flipped the bitch switch. You’d do better to say on the right side of Southern gal.

But you know what’s so great about me? Unlike some people I could mention, I don’t have to be a bitch all the time. Isn’t that nice? I can hold my tongue or think of a clever way to change the subject. I can even pick my battles. Best of all, I have a personality- and it’s multi-faceted at that! What a wonder!

So next time you are thinking that I am being just too nice to someone, just you imagine what I am thinking about them but not saying. Now double it.

Now, imagine what I am thinking about you. ::pauses, raises one eyebrow:: Oh, it’s worse than that. As my pal, William would say, “I’d challenge you to a battle of wits; but I see you came unarmed.” Give that a few minutes and it’ll sink in.

Now you have yourself a great day, sweetie. Thank you so much!